The Kingdom of Heaven Taken by PrayerorAn Account of the Author's Translation from the Kingdom of Satan to the Kingdom of God.
William Huntington (1745-1813)AFTER many rambling about the country, I went and settled at last at Mortlake, in Surrey, where the effectual work of drawing me from the world began to operate on my soul. I had lost my child by sudden death, as is related in the BANK or FAITH. My wife went to nurse a lying-in woman at Barnes, at a little distance from Mortlake; and, during her stay at that place, I was left entirely alone, both at my work and at home. As I was one day at my labour, I was reflecting on the many sicknesses, soul troubles, extreme poverty, and disappointments, which I had met with in the course of my life. I considered the poor, tried, troubled state I was then in, together with the loss of my child, and my being almost an utter stranger in a strange place; and, upon a proper view of the whole, I murmured and fretted at my hard fate; and thought I might adopt the language of good old Jacob, and say," Few and evil have my days been." But suddenly it was impressed with power on my mind, that all these evils were brought upon me for my sin: and that I neither knew, feared, loved, nor served, God as I ought to do, and therefore had brought these trials on myself; and that it was a great mercy God did not take me instead of the infant. This impression was attended with an uncommon flow of contrition: insomuch that I was, at times, overwhelmed with a sorrowful spirit; and so dissolved into meekness, that I went weeping and mourning all the day long, until "my soul was as a weaned child." This frame of spirit was attended chiefly with self-pity; because I had, by sin, exposed myself to so many hardships in this life, and, for aught I then knew, to more in the next. I was however at times a little tinctured with godly sorrow, to think I had so much offended the Almighty; and this was accompanied with a fear that he would not be pacified toward me. Under these workings of mind I began secretly to "call on the name of the Lord" in prayer, and embraced every opportunity that offered itself. My petitions were such as I had learned out of books, with some expressions of my own, which I used in confession; as no form seemed to be sufficient to suit the complicated diseases of my troubled mind. This heavy, gloomy frame of soul was attended with a twofold blessing; for my heart being pregnant with compunction, drove me perpetually to God in prayer; and in pouring out my soul before God I found I had ease in my mind, until I got under a fresh reflection-of past offences, and a future view of the effects as the just rewards of sin. Then my heart conceived again her fresh burden; and I evidently found that there was no release to be had but on my knees before God, where I could speak so as to be eased. The other blessing that attended me under this oppression of soul was, that it weaned me from company. I was naturally of a cheerful disposition, which entangled me in the company of many acquaintances; but, when I began to be a little habituated to these gloomy regions of death, I found that all my anxiety after, love to, and delight in, company, was quite blasted, so that my spirit withered, like the green herb, to all the joys of mortals. Rural retirement seemed most agreeable to me, as it best suited my bewildered state of mind; till at length I began to detest all company, and fly from all my acquaintances: I dwelt "like a sparrow alone on the house tops, or like the pelican of the wilderness, or an owl of the desert." Finding my spirit dead to all society, and no ease to my soul but on my knees before God in private, I earnestly solicited the Almighty to keep me from all fellowship with the wicked; having as I thought, accumulated guilt enough already. In answer to this it was suggested, as a voice to my best attention, that I must quit that place in which I dwelt, with all my companions, and never more have fellowship with any worldly company whatsoever. This impression sunk so deep on my mind, that it never could be erased by all the frowns or smiles of the children of men, nor do I believe it ever will. Under this impulse I went to Barnes, to inform my wife of my determination of leaving that place, and forsaking all my companions, and that for ever; and I gave her several reasons for this my determination, but concealed the worst of the matter. Her answer was, "Do just as you will; I am ready to go with you to any place you choose." I have often since thought of good old Jacob's sending for Rachel and Leah into the field to him, to inform them of their father's conduct toward him, and of God's vision that was opened to him, and of the Lord's commanding him to return into his own country; whose submissive answer was," Now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do," Gen. xxxi. 16. A sweet submissive reply, well becoming a pious help-mate. I now watched the hand of God, to see if an opportunity offered for my departure; but every door seemed for a time to be shut. However, I kept close to my church, endeavoured to shun all company, embraced every opportunity that offered itself to pour out my soul in prayer, and to show God my trouble; Psal. cxliii. 2. Nor did the deep concern I was under in the least abate; but heaviness of spirit, meekness, and humbling sorrow, perpetually pursued me, and my mind was immersed in the meditations of futurity. After my wife had returned from her nursery, she had an awful dream, which in the morning she related to me, It was this - that "the devil had appeared to her in her sleep, with a most formidable aspect, and was going to lay hold of her; but she cried out, and he immediately left her, and made a violent seizure of me." I had not, at that time, told her much of my distress of mind; therefore she knew not how much the narrative of her dream contributed to the anguish of my spirit. I laid her words up, and pondered them over in my heart. And, as I believed her to be a very pious soul, I was fully persuaded I should, ere long, feel the effects of her dreadful vision; which (God knows) I soon did, as my reader will observe in the sequel. I had no thoughts of a violent temptation, by divine permission, a sailing me, that should strip me of fleshly confidence; but what I expected was, that death, judgment, and eternal damnation, would be the dreadful result of her dream. Finding fresh troubles increase daily upon me, I longed to get out of the place I was then in, fearing that my companions would some time or other entangle me, and get me out a pleasure-taking on the Lord's day; for, as I found that my power against sin was little worth, I wanted to shun even the appearance of temptation. I went over to Mr. Low's, a nurseryman at Hampton Wick, and asked him to employ me; which he accordingly did. It was now late in the autumn; but he promised to employ me till he could provide for me in another way. I endeavoured to get a ready-furnished lodging at Kingston, but could not: I was therefore determined to walk to and fro, from Kingston to Mortlake, every day, rather than stay in that place, where I had contracted an intimacy with several persons whose company I did not relish. I continued in this situation for about a fortnight; but at length got a lodging at Kingston. I was now determined never to get acquainted with any person, unless he seemed to be religious; and, being in a strange place, where I was not known, I had not so many temptations to draw me into company. I now took to reading any book that I could get; kept close to the church; kept up private and family prayer with my wife, and laboured to recommend myself to the favour of God. I learned several little short prayers to repeat on the road as I walked, or at my labour, or on my bed, which I judged was redeeming lost time. However, I had one great difficulty to grapple with here, which was, we were obliged to go to a public-house on the Saturday evening to receive our wages, where each labourer was compelled to spend four-pence. This I could not avoid, though I found it a snare to me; because I was compelled to wait till the foreman had paid me, which sometimes would be as late as eight or nine o'clock; during this time I was obliged to hear all the songs that were sung, and all their filthy conversation. This I found scattered all my religious thoughts, and made many breaches in that poor false peace which I had been patching up by the mere dint of hard labour: however, to close up these gaps, I generally worked the harder, said more prayers, read more, and got up earlier in the morning, in order to perform a greater task; and so, by these means, I pacified conscience with a double portion of dead works; Heb. ix. 14. My fellow workmen perceiving me to sit silent at the pay-table, while they were so jovial, and finding that I would not join with them for liquor when at work, they suspected I had caught a religious infection. Upon this, I was set up as a butt for laughter and ridicule. And my bringing forth now and then a passage of scripture, to shew the end they were like to make if they died in sin, as they then lived, this gave great offence, and exposed my head as a mark for every scorner upon which to spend his shafts. This I laboured under for the space of many months. For a while they suspected me to be a methodist; but, finding I never went to the meeting, and that, in every argument with them, I pleaded for the church, their suspicion was, that I wanted to be better than other people, and to be more religious than was required of those who belonged to the church of England. Having, as I thought, patched up a tolerable religion, and redeemed a deal of lost time by labour, I began to be lifted up m my own mind, and to be filled with a vain conceit of my own righteousness. Finding my zeal and diligence to continue, and from my being now habituated to this religious course of life, I began to have a very high opinion of my religion, and to judge myself righteous and despise others. Indeed the language of my heart to most people was, "Stand by thyself, come not near unto me, "for I am holier than thou," Isa. lxv. 5. However, God permitted me to make several private slips in this my religious way of life, which brought fresh guilt on my conscience. This sting induced me to examine a little the root of my religion; and I found that I had no love to God in it; but that it was merely to pacify my conscience, escape the torments of hell, and "to appear righteous before men." While I was perplexed with these thoughts, this was secretly suggested to my mind - "Suppose you could continue this course of religion till the time of your death, you can only rub off as you go; and hardly that; for you offend daily, in thought, word, and deed; and what is to become of all that black scroll that is behind?" I found, the more I meditated on these things, the deeper I sunk in distress; therefore I tried to east it from me, not liking to come to book. This put me a little out of conceit with my own righteousness; I thought there was something yet wanting on that head; and, conscience lashing me within for past offences, as well as for present blots, stopped me from boasting, and shewed me a little of the hypocrisy of my own heart; - "God beholds the proud afar off; and those that walk in pride he is able to debase," Dan. iv. 37. I am now going to relate what I am almost ashamed of; but still I am determined to let my reader see the sable, as well as the shining side of the narrative. It was now toward the spring of the year, and I was extremely poor. My pay being very small, and lodgings very dear, I bid much-a-do to live, and keep my family decent and fit to appear at church. It fell out that I had bought a piece of bacon, which had entirely emptied my pocket; so that, though I wanted some vegetables to dress with it, I could not purchase any. I was therefore determined to go into a field belonging to my master, in order to steal some turnip-tops to boil with my bacon. I knew my fellow workmen had asked of my master, and he had granted them leave to get what they chose; but I had not asked leave, therefore my getting them was a theft. However, I went to the field; but, while getting over the gate, I was arrested in a most violent manner by my own conscience. I think an army of soldiers could not have stopped me more forcibly than the voice of God's vicegerent within. Indeed I seemed as if I had been taken in a snare. I had no power to move for many minutes. I cried out, "What is it? what is it?" The answer was, "Thou shalt not steal." I replied, "My master gave leave to the men to get some vegetables." The answer came again, "You have not asked leave." I looked about me, to see if I could discern any body speaking; but there was no body; the voice came from within. I sat and reasoned a great while, and was still answered; however, I saw no body. I thought it could be no great crime, therefore I was determined to get them, and accordingly went into the field; but was again rebuffed by the same powerful opposition of my own conscience, which drove me back again to the gate. I now stood and reasoned with myself what this voice and power could be. Whether it was my conscience, or what, I could not tell; but certainly conscience had a hand in it. However, I was resolutely bent upon having the spoil; therefore I said I would inform my master of it the day following, Never was any poor creature more harassed than I was while stealing these things of so little value I was obliged to gather them as fast as possible, and keep answering the voice, "I will acquaint my master of it, I will acquaint, &c &c." and thou ran off as fast as possible. However, I never did acquaint him. Thus a man's own sin finds him out; Numb. xxxii. 23; or, as Bildad says, "The steps of his strength shall be straitened, and his own counsel shall east him down. For he is cast into a net by his own feet, and he walketh upon a snare. The gin shall take him by the heel, the snare is set for him in the ground, and a trap for him in the way. Terrors shall make him afraid on every side, and shall drive him to his feet," Job, xviii. 7-11. Indeed extreme poverty is a snare to man, as well as the abundance of wealth. This, I believe, the pious Agur found, and therefore prayed to be led between the two extremes; - "Give me neither poverty, nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me; lest I be full and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or test I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain," Prov. xxx. 8, 9. I had very sharp work to settle these matters with my conscience; it cost me many a secret groan, and discovered to me much of my own weakness afterwards: but I laboured the harder to rub it off, as I thought, in my old way of working; for I knew nothing of God's method of saving sinners freely by grace, therefore all my labour was but in vain; as it is written, "Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? Then may ye also do good that are accustomed to do evil," Jer. xiii. 23. Having gone on many months with this legal yoke on my neck, labouring in my own strength, and drawing all my hopes of heaven from the law of Moses, which is "the ministration of death and condemnation," 9 Cor. iii. 9, it pleased God to strip me of all this self-sufficiency and legal hope in a very astonishing manner; for it came to pass one evening, as I was sitting by the fireside reading my Bible, I came to these words, "At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you," John, xiv. 20. As soon as I had read these words, I began to consider them. "Ye in me, and I in you! "Alas! (said I) what does that mean? I am wrong; my religion is little worth; I know nothing what these words mean; there is something of a secrecy between Christ and those that he will save, that I am yet ignorant of." While I was thus musing, behold all the sins that I had ever been guilty of came up fresh on my mind, in all their deformity and malignant appearance, and stood arranged before my mind; even all my crimes from my childhood: so that I possessed "the iniquity of my youth," Job, xiii. 26. Seeing my sins in such a dreadful light, I began to have fearful apprehensions of God's awful displeasure; and immediately such an intolerable flood of divine wrath was poured forth on my guilty soul, that it swept away all my refuge of lies, Isa. xxviii. 17. This removed all my false hope, drove away all my vain props, and left me without one particle of that sandy foundation which I had laid for myself to stand upon; and down I went into "the deep waters, where there was no standing, so that the floods overflowed me," Ps. lxix. 2; and I feared "the pit would shut her mouth upon me," Is. lxix. 15. This wrath being so forcibly revealed against me, I began to have very hard thoughts of the Most High; and, what is still worse, a mortal hatred to him, Rom. viii. 7. And immediately the devil was let loose upon me, and violently tempted me to blaspheme and curse the Almighty to his face. I leaped up, with my eyes ready to start out of my head, my hair standing erect, and my countenance stained with all the horrible gloom and dismay of the damned. I cried out to my wife, and said, "Molly, I am undone for ever; I am lost and gone; there is no hope nor mercy for me; you know not what a sinner I am; you know not where I am, nor what I feel!" She seemed amazed at my appearance, asked what was the matter, and endeavoured to comfort me, but all in vain; for the very name of mercy is but an aggravation of man's misery when all hope in God is dead. I went to bed, and lay down in sorrow; but there was no rest for me. I thought the bed, the room, yea and every thing else, was running round; and my soul was sinking so fast under the wrath of God, that it was as if I fell a thousand fathoms a minute. I dared not sleep; for if I did, I thought, like the rich feel," in hell I should lift up my eyes," for I was already in torment. At two or three o'clock in the morning I rose up and went down stairs, kneeled down to read the Bible, and attempted to pray; but oh I that horrid blasphemous temptation, to blaspheme the Most High, so foiled me, that I dared not look up. I could only confess my sin, but could not say, "God be merciful to me, a sinner." I went to work with my head swimming and legs staggering, like a drunken man; and, when I get on Hampton-Wick Green, I stood and viewed the horses, bullocks, and asses, and envied their happy state. "Ah I" said I, "you have no sin to answer for; no judgment-seat to appear before; no wrath from God to feel; no hell to fear! When you die, there is an end of you; but eternity is our lot! Oh that I could die like you, and be no more! Oh that I was but in the place of the worst of you! But I am a man and a sinner; and hell aims at sinners!" O wretched state! Look which way I would, "my sin was ever before me," Ps. li. 3; and "my secret sins were set in the light of God's countenance," Ps. xc. 8. Within me there was the "sting of death," I Cor. xv. 56; a guilty conscience - the worm that never dies, Isa. lxvi. 24; Mark, ix. 44, still gnawing and feeding on my withered spirits. This made the leaf of my profession to wither, and my untimely fruit to fall like that of the olive. The thoughts of God's damning me filled me with hard thoughts of him, and even hatred to him. I felt the arrows of his wrath already within me, Job, vi. 4; Ps. xxxvili. 2: and I knew God had thrust me down, Job, xxxii. 13. I fain would have fled out of his hand, Job, xxvii. 22, but could not. If I offered to pray, I was tempted to blaspheme; and that stopped the mouth of prayer. If I attempted to look up to God, my conscience smote me, and the heavens appeared to be iron, and the earth brass, Lev. xxvi. 19: so that my thoughts could not fly with hope to God, nor could the earth hide me from his presence. Eternity I knew had no end; and hell I found, by my sinking in despair, had no bottom. The unfathomable abyss of eternity affords no anchorage, and the impassable gulph of God's fixed decree allows no vessel of wrath, fitted for destruction, ever to pass to the haven of rest, Luke, xvi 26; or make any other land or port whatsoever. Oh what a profound deep! what a perilous navigation! "Alas!" said I, "when I appear before him 'my own mouth shall condemn me,' Job, ix. 20. If I would get above him, I cannot: he is the Most High, and cannot be matched. 'If I speak of strength, lo, he is strong; and it of judgment, who shall set me a time to plead?' Job, xix. 9. 'He is of one mind, and none can turn him,' Job, xxiii. 19. He is holy; and the guilty cannot approach him. He is light, and that discovers my sin: therefore I hate it, for 'he has set them in the light of his countenance,' Ps. xc. 8. He has often warned me, and I persisted; my conscience has checked me, and I opposed it with violence. He has brought me to death's door by sickness, and I vowed to him what I would do if he raised me up. He did so but I broke all my vows. His patience is tired out. The verdict of my own thoughts casts me, Rom ii. 15. My own heart condemns me, I John, iii. 20. the curse of God is in my tabernacle, Prov. iii. 33; 'the wrath of God abideth on me,' John, iii. 36; the door of mercy is shut against me; and 'broad is the road, and wide the gate, that leads to destruction, and many go in thereat.' Oh that I had never been born! Job, iii. 10. Oh that no eye had ever seen me! Wherefore came I out of my mother's womb to see trouble? Oh that there was no hell, no judgment to come, no God, no hereafter!" Indeed I experienced these words effectually, "Thine heart shall meditate terror," Isa. xxxiii. 18. This is "stumbling upon the dark mountains," Jer. xlii. 16; this is sitting "in the regions of the shadow of death," Matt. iv. 16; this is the horrible pit, and this is the miry clay, Ps. xl. 2; these are the "deep waters where there is no standing," Ps. lxlx. 1, 2; this is "deep calling unto deep, at the noise of his waterspouts," while they are bursting and discharging their vengeance on the vessels of wrath, till "both waves and billows go over," Ps. xlii. 7. This is "God's shutting up a man, and there can be no opening," Job, xii. 14.. This is the employ of the damned, Isa. viii. 21, 22; "the chambers of death," Prov. vii. 27; the experience of devils, Matt. xii. 43; the gloomy land of darkness, without form or order, and the pains of hell, Ps. cxvi. 3; while the soul is harassed with the infernal intercourse and familiarity of devils, and your constant visitors and chief "guests are in the depths of hell," Prov. ix. 18. No sinless perfection can live here; no Atheism can live here; no Deism, nor Arianism, can ever flourish here. No; those principles can only flourish upon the hard soil of a benumbed conscience, sacred with a hot iron, and kept hard by the perpetual industry of the devil, and the assistance of wicked company. But, whenever God awakens such a conscience, by letting his burning wrath into it, all those principles wither and die, both root and branch! Oh how wretched the thought, that such principles should grow and flourish in the minds of men, that never yet struck one root in the minds of devils! and that men should labour to propagate such a nursery for Satan in a land of hope, and under the sunshine of mercy, that never could be found in the regions even of the damned! But why do I wonder at this? The reason is plain; the devil sends them all here, because he cannot make them grow in hell. Here I was violently tempted to put an end to my existence, and to throw myself into the Thames. Long was I tempted to commit this rash act, and at times gathered comfort from the thoughts of it; but the consideration of guilt and wrath pursuing me beyond the grave often prevailed with me under that temptation. Oh the subtlety of this 'old serpent! He even tempted the dear Redeemer to self-murder, by wanting him to throw himself down from one of the pinnacles of the temple. As for that wretched temptation - to curse all that was good - that constantly followed me; nor do I believe I was one hour free from it, unless when I was asleep, during fourteen months together. I believe pious Job laboured under this for many years, as appears by his suspicion of his children having been tempted to do it; as it is written, "And he rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt-offerings according to the number o[ them all; for Job said, It may-be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually," Job, i. 5. This was the main point that the devil laboured to gain with Job, when he accused him to God: "But put forth thine hand now, saith he, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face," Job, i. 11. And again the second time: "But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face," Job, ii. 5. And I am sure he would have done it, had not the Almighty been "the shield of his help," Deut. xxxiii. 29; for there is no other shield, but a bleeding Saviour, that can "quench the fiery darts of the wicked," Eph. vi. 16. However, Satan left no stone unturned; he made Job's wife his engine for mischief: "Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God, and die," Job, ii. 9. This also was Paul's "thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan sent to buffet him," 2 Cor. xii. 7; as may be gathered from thorns being a badge of the curse which sin brought upon the earth, Gen. iii. 18; and from the parable of the thorny-ground hearers, Matt xiii. 7; and of Paul's comment on it, "But that which beareth thorns lot [of covetousness] and briars is nigh unto cursing, whose end is to be burned," Heb. vi. 8. I believe Solomon was no stranger to this temptation, by his leaving that caution upon record, "Curse not the king, no not in thy thought; and curse not the rich in thy bed-chamber; for a bird of the air shall carry the voice, and that which hath wings shall tell the matter," Eccl. x. 20. Satan soon filled Peter's mouth with oaths and curses, when he had got him to sift; and he would have gone farther if the Saviour had not propped him up with his prayer, that his faith might not fail. I believe this work of cursing to be the employment of all in hell, both devils and men, as it is the just sentence of God's righteous law; therefore I believe that those who in hell suffer under it, are perpetually spitting it in the face of that righteous Judge who passed the sentence on them. And therefore Satan labours to get poor sinners to begin with it here, thinking that when he has done this, he has gained his end. God having cursed the serpent, or Satan (the king of all the rest of the apostate spirits, he being the grand criminal on whom the sentence lighted), and through him God's sentence having fell on all his political body, who are under him as their head; they, labouring under this curse, or just sentence, strive to tempt many poor sinners to throw that curse at the just Judge, who passed that sentence, and fixed Satan's eternal doom at the tribunal erected in Eden. "But God is faithful, who will not suffer us to be tempted above that we are able; but will with the temptation (mark that! with the temptation) also make a way to escape, that we may be able to bear it." O sweet and comfortable promise! Having waded some weeks under this burden of guilt and wrath; being pursued with the fears of death and judgment, till my strength was almost exhausted; being terrified, too, almost to distraction, and fearing lest I should one day or other open my mouth, and let that horrid blasphemy escape my lips in some unguarded moment; it pleased my most gracious Lord to give me a little encouragement. Going one morning to my labour, groaning under the perilous state that my soul was in, and I think as completely miserable as any mortal could be and live, it came suddenly into my mind, "I wonder In what part of the world Jesus Christ was born;" though at that time I had no more knowledge of him, who he was, or what he came to do, than one of the Arabs in the deserts of Arabia; for I had always attended the church of England, where we hear nothing about Christ, in the pulpits, till they conclude, when they generally lug him in as a fag end to their little better than heathen morality. However, I was wondering where he was born, and it came into my mind that he was born in the east; because our clergy turn their faces to the east when they read their creeds. I then looked from point to point eastward; determined to be sure to dart my eyes, if possible, straight to the spot, if I darted them slowly round two quarters. However, when my eyes came to the sun, which was then just risen above the hills, I felt such a love and spirit of meekness flow into my soul, from the thoughts of Christ's name and birth, as I never had felt before. It so filled my heart, that I was like a bottle that had no vent, Job, xxxii. 19, and I could not contain myself. I burst out and wept so loud, that I believe a person might have heard me at the distance of twenty or thirty rods. And, although I had at that time no idea what Christ came to do, or what he died for, yet I had an amazing sense of his sufferings on my heart, which filled me with love to him; and I pitied him in my soul, and found a great dislike to the Jews for using him so cruelly: still, however, I remained profoundly ignorant of the benefits of his cross. As the spouse says that "his name is as ointment poured forth," Song, i. 3, so I found it. What then must the fellowship of his sufferings, and the sweet fellowship of his resurrection be? Phil. iii. 10. While I stood thus melting, mourning, and weeping, over the birth, name, and sufferings, of the Saviour, I heard a voice saying unto me, "He that overcometh shall inherit all things," Rev. xxi. 7. Whether these words were in the Bible or not, at that time I did not know. I inquired of several persons, but none could inform me. However, at length I found them out; but it was even some months after they were spoken to me. But to return; I went to my work, strongly convinced that God had a love for me: yea, for several days together I had such a humbling sense of his loving-kindness, that I was sure he was with me, go wherever I would; and so strongly persuaded was I of his eternal affection to my soul, that I was sure neither men nor devils could possibly hurt me, any more than they could hurt the apple of God's eye, Zech. ii. 8. This caused me to go melting in my soul, and weeping and praying, all the day long, under the sweet influence of such unmerited love, that flowed in to dissolve so hard and so impenitent a heart as mine. The temptation, however, had not left me. I still had the thorn in my flesh, or the devil's curses darting from his strong hold, which is the old man of sin, the flesh, or the natural corruption of the heart; that is the devil's own garrison. This messenger of Satan buffetted me perpetually from that fort. But all this while, as the presence of the Lord was with me, it lost its usual force; it was like storming a strong hold with bladders; or, as Paul says "God's grace was sufficient," though the thorn was not taken away, 2 Cor. xii. 7, 9. And in this situation he could glory, even in the midst of his infirmities, under the influence of sovereign grace. When the following sabbath arrived I went to Kingston church, as usual. After sermon there was an anthem sung, which concluded with the word Hallelujah, in a very pleasing manner; and was repeated often by each part and party. While they were singing this anthem I was enrapt in such a glorious frame of soul as I never before felt; whether I was in the body or out of the body, for a few minutes, I could scarcely tell; but blessed be God, I have enjoyed much of the same sort since, and I know now that it came from God. It was some of the good old wine; and that I found when the Lord sent me a little of it the second time. I believe I shall never desire new, for I am certain "the old is better," Luke v. 39. After this (never-to-be-forgotten) sabbath was over, I was shortly stripped of all joy, meekness, hope, and help; and left to sink again into the deep and gloomy regions of horror; and the blasphemous temptation pursued me with more violence than ever. To make my case the more desperate, I was violently tempted to believe that there was no God. Having been a little indulged with the comforts and joys of hope before this storm appeared, it was rendered more aggravating and violent than ever. However, I read my Bible, and prayed to God day and night. But what made my cause still more desperate, two passages of scripture were brought to my mind with all their cutting energy and power. One was, "But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give an account there-of in the day of judgment," Matt. xii. 36; the other was, "We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not," I John v. 18. These passages snapped my cable, and drove me apparently from all anchorage in God; and, finding my hope removed, I was forced into all the billows of wrath, temptation, corruption, distress, horror, and despondency, that any mortal could possibly be in. This drove me to my wigs end. I was now again tempted to end the strife by leaping into the Thames, and so putting a period to my own existence: still, however, God prevented me. I felt those distresses the keener from the circumstance of my having a strong faith in the justice of God. I was sure that he must be faithful to his threatenings, or cease to be truth, and consequently cease to be God. And, though I had been much comforted before in my own soul, yet I had no light nor judgment in the word of God; nor was I able to understand any passages but those which levelled their force and just sentences at me for sin. Again this temptation recurred; that there was no God, nor any judgment to come; and that the holy Bible was false, therefore I had no occasion to "tremble at the word," Psal. xiv. 1. These temptations being suitable to my wishes, I laboured hard to credit them, and to persuade myself there were none: yea, I wished in my heart that these suggestions were true; for then I should end in annihilation, and, like the happy brute, be no more. But I could gain no safety there, though I fain would; for the storm of God's wrath soon drove me from those moorings; therefore I know that Atheism and Deism cannot live in an awakened soul, even in this life; and, if a man "lifts up his eyes in hell," he will soon see a just God, and feel the torments of his wrath too, and that will destroy all his Atheism at once; for he may as soon persuade himself out of a sense of his punishment, as out of the existence of the just punisher. In this deplorable state I knew not where to go. I was poor, and obliged to work hard, though I had hard work enough within; and these violent blasphemous suggestions I feared would one day or other break loose, and that then I should be dispatched immediately from the land of the living. And, indeed, it certainly would have so happened, had not the Almighty "set a watch before my mouth," and by his own power "kept the door of my lips," Psal. cxli. 3. The enemy of my soul now tried another scheme, as that of Atheism had failed; which was, that the Almighty now intended to entangle me in my own confessions, and convict me from my own words. And he took a very suitable opportunity for assailing me with this temptation; which was when I was meditating on the power I had lately felt, and wondering why the Most High should give me much sweet felicity of soul for a time; and, after being indulged with that sweet consolation, leave me a second time in the hand of my tormentor, who laboured so hard to bring me to sin against him with so high a hand, and at a time when I was so desirous of serving him with a pure heart and with a willing mind. The tempter suggested to me, in answer to this, that it was done in order to extort confessions from me, that God might, as it were, take the advantage of them; and, agreeable to his own words, "Judge me as a wicked servant out of my own mouth," Luke, xix. 22. Oh how does that infernal being hate, oppose, reproach, and belie, the ever-blessed, ever-loving, and ever-propitious" Father of all mercies, and God of all comfort!" 2 Cot. i. 3. But, in opposition to the accuser, the Lord made good his promise, that the gates of hell should not preveil; which words I believe mean the infernal council of devils; as causes were in former times heard and tried, councils held, and matters settled, at the city gates, by the elders, in some parts of the Jewish nation; as appears in Ruth, iv. l, 2. However, the ever-blessed Lord brought his promise afresh to my mind again one day as I was at my labour "He that overcometh shall inherit all things." And it was impressed powerfully on my mind, that this was the battle that I was to fight, and in which I must overcome if I inherited all things; but, if I lost this field, then all was lost for ever, as my poor distracted mind conjectured. Upon this I was contriving what method to adopt, in order to overcome in this battle; and it was suddenly brought to my mind that I should bless the name of the Lord every time the fiery dart came, and to continue to pray both day and night. I immediately began blessing the name of the Lord; and this temptation began to come faster, and with more violence than ever; sometimes four or five times in a minute, for days and months together; but still I repeated, as fast as I could speak, "Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed," &c. and kept shaking my head, for fear I should listen to it and mutter it out unawares. I have been sometimes harassed in this manner till I have been quite weary, and almost senseless; and so far gone as not to be able to give any person a reasonable answer, nor even to conceive aright what I was about. My fellow-workmen, seeing me perpetually in motion, and my lips muttering, concluded that I was mad, and dealt with me accordingly. I now found that my rationality was sometimes amazingly impaired, insomuch that I was hardly capable either of labour or conversation. At times I was so sorely tried, that I was afraid I should begin to tear my hair, cry out aloud, and run distracted; but I thought if I did I should run mad immediately, and then all would be lost. I perceived this to be the enemy's aim; first to impair my faculties, and then he could make me curse and swear as he pleased; but, in opposition to this, I perpetually prayed and blessed the name of the Lord; and still was insensibly supported by my gracious God in this doubtful engagement. When we are baptized in the established church, they" sign us with the sign of Christ's cross, in token thereafter that we should not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified; but that we should manfully fight under his banner against the world, the flesh, and the devil;" but I never knew what this meant till that period. I have sometimes thought that my mind would not, in every sense of the word, have been so much harassed if I really had been in hell; because, when sin is conceived there, it is perpetually brought forth in horrible blasphemies. In that gloomy receptacle, tormented ghosts lust to envy the Most High; and "when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when finished, bringeth forth death," James i. 15. This is the conception and progeny of hell, Where eternal death reigneth. Death is the offspring of sin, Rom. v. 12; and destruction is the offspring of death; as it is written, "The first-born of death shall devour his strength," Job, xviii. 13. Oh what an awful family has the Holy Ghost discovered in the word of God! Satan is said to be both the father and nourisher of sin. "When Satan speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own; for he is a liar, and the father of it," John viii. 44. All sin is of the devil; and "death came by sin," Rom. v. 12; and by death came destruction. What an infernal fraternity! O blessed be God for Jesus Christ, who, in infinite wisdom, has dethroned them all, and by his almighty power hath delivered our souls from them! "He triumphed over [these] principalities and powers [on the cross], and made a show of them openly," Col. it. 15. And even now he shows them openly, in the light of his own word and Spirit, and exposes all as a conquered host. These were powers of darkness, led on to engage the Saviour by the prince of this world; but he had no spawn, or sin, to work on in the dear Redeemer; as it is written, "The prince of this world cometh, but hath nothing in me," John xiv. 30. "This was their hour, and these were the powers of darkness," Luke xxii. 53. When the Saviour "bowed his head and yielded up the ghost," they all fell (as the heathen temple did under the spiritual might that was given to the Saviour's type, Samson); but when he arose from the grave, it was then" All hail!" The prince of this world was cast out; John xii. 31. And, when Christ ascended, he led those our tormentors prisoners; as it is written, "He hath ascended on high, he hath led captivity captive," Psal. lxviii. 18. "God is gone up with a shout, and with the sound of a trumpet," Psal. xlvii. 5. The all conquering "Lord of Hosts, mighty in battle," Psal. xxiv. 8. Thus giving us a certainty of overcoming all enemies through him; as it is written," Because I live, ye shall live also." These tidings of the Saviour's conquest caused the powers of hell to sit in sackcloth, and extorted a lamentable confession, both from death and destruction. First, a question is put, "Where shall wisdom be found?" Job, xxviii. 12. Secondly, the inquiry where she comes from, "Whence then cometh Wisdom? And where is the place of understanding?" And now the Holy Ghost shows us the lamentable confession of hell, "Destruction and Death say, We have heard the fame thereof, that is, the fame of Wisdom, with our ears," Job, xxviii. 20, 22. O how cutting to the inhabitants of the infernal regions must the glorious Redeemer's triumph have been when he had vanquished them, and took them captive! And to this day he lets them loose, and checks their rage, as he thinks proper: as it is written," I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death," Rev. i. 18. These must be lamentable tidings for all in hell! But the ever-blessed Immanuel shall reign in heaven; reign in his own hereditary right; in his royal robe of human nature, both sanctified and glorified; as the supreme Monarch, and universal Key-keeper; yea, he shall reign in heaven, while devils and sin, death and destruction, shall grind in hell. Having continued many weeks in this melancholy condition, I thought I would go to the sacrament of the Lord's supper, and see if that would afford me any relief. I purposed first to speak to the minister of the church which I frequented: but I did not intend to open my mouth about the temptations that I laboured under; as I thought, if I did, he would deem me mad, and have confined me in prison, or else have smothered me between two beds, as some have been who were bit with mad dogs. This I really believed; and therefore I would not divulge my case upon any consideration whatsoever. Even this temptation, through God's mercy, worked together for my good; for regard to my own safety led me to conceal my case. In short, if I had made it known to a blind guide, he would probably have recommended novels and diversions, or something else, just that I might stifle my conscience; and so he might "have healed my wound slightly, crying Peace, peace, when God had not spoken peace," Jer. vi. 14. And, as I was so fond of these blind watchmen, I should, in all probability, have eagerly swallowed down all that they might have said. Howbeit, God never suffered me to speak to him at all. I went several times, but never found him at home; which I was much grieved at, being very fond of him, because he seemed to take more pains than any I had ever heard. I used almost to adore him; for, if I passed him in his robes in the streets, my very soul would sink within me at the sight of so holy a being as I vainly thought he was. However, I bless God that I never spoke to him at all; for, after I was enlightened, I went to hear him preach, but (poor soul!) he was as dead as a stone, and as blind as a bat. I foolishly conjectured that, if any went to heaven, it must be the church clergy and their clerks; for I thought their very caring itself consisted of godliness, being too blind to understand the Saviour's meaning when he calls them hireling. Howbeit, since God has given me understanding in his word, I confess I am of another way of thinking; for I believe there are few parsons and clerks who seem to be even in the way to heaven. The old question among the Jews was, "Have any of the rulers, or of the Pharisees, believed on him?" And, suppose they have not, shall they obtain heaven by their unbelief? No: "He that believes not shall be damned," Mark, xvi. 16. As I could not find the parson at home to speak with about going to the sacrament, I was determined to get hold of the clerk, who took me to a public-house, to treat him with rum-and-water as long as I could find cash to pay for it! This would have aggravated my desperate case, had not the consideration of his being so holy a man by office appeared an antidote, or charm, against the devil and sin. However, my tutor, when he came staggering down the steps, advised me not to go to his master, nor to any other parson; and he advised me right; but, when he took his leave of me, he said he would tell me when to draw up, and where at the table I should kneel. Then he pointed with his finger up to the stars, and said, "Go there: look there. If I was in your case, I would always go there;" that is, to God, he meant. And thus, upon the whole, he acted the part of an honest hand-post; that is, he pointed to me the right way, but I believe he never went one step therein himself. When the Lord's day arrived, which was appointed for administering the sacrament, I went to the table of the Lord with all the horrors of the damned. The clerk seemed very officious, and told me when to approach, namely, when the quality had all done; and afterwards where to kneel, that was at the lower end of the table. But I believe I was one of the most welcome guests at that table, according to the pre-requisites of the communion service; for I could say from my heart, "I do earnestly repent, and am heartily sorry for, these my misdoings; the remembrance of them is grievous unto me, and the burden intolerable." Nor did I altogether go "trusting in my own righteousness to the table of my most merciful Lord, but trusting more in his manifold and great mercies;" for, as to the spider's web of my own righteousness or works, which I formerly had trusted in, Isa. iix. 5, this was in a great measure purged away "by the spirit of judgment, and by the spirit of burning," Isa. iv 4. However, I came away with, all my guilt and distress, just as I went. And I am sure there is no pardon nor peace for a guilty conscience but in the Redeemer's blood; nor is there any life for a condemned criminal but in Christ, "the bread of heaven." Men may please themselves with dry forms and modes as long as they will, but "the hour of temptation shall come on all the world to try them," Rev. iii. 10; and that many will one day feel, who now insult God with a mocking form, expressive of what they never felt. For instance, when they say, "Deliver us from the crafts and assaults of the devil, from thy wrath, and everlasting damnation:" and again, "Raise up those that fall, and finally beat down Satan under our feet:" and again, "Grant that those evils, which the craft and subtlety of the devil or man working against us, may be brought to nought." These petitions are expressed, not offered up to God, by some who are half asleep, by some who are tittering and laughing, and by others who are darting the flames of lust out of every corner of their eyes. If this is not mocking of God, what is? Yea, I think it is worse mockery by far than that which is practised at a masquerade, where they really appear in the character that the word of God gives them. The Scriptures call ungodly sinners devils, brutes, and children sitting in a market-place. Now at a masquerade some mimic the devil: here is no mockery; such a one is a devil both within and without. Others are masked so as to imitate a goat: and our Saviour says he will set these goats at his left hand when he judges the world. Here is no deceit in this; there is a brute in heart, and a brute in dress. Others mimic buyers and sellers; and others are like children, mimicking balls and burials, saying, "We have piped, and you have not danced; we have mourned, and you have not wept." And the Pantheon is a figure of the world, called by Christ a market-place, where sinners sell themselves, like Ahab, to work wickedness; or, like the fool, who gains the world and loses his own soul. Thus the masqueraders appear in character; which is more than those do who draw near to God with their lips, while dead to him, and at war with him in their hearts; therefore in vain they worship him. My foolish heart was so wedded to the gown and cassock, that I thought none could know the mind and will of God but those men who were brought up at college, and ornamented with such popish rags. This opinion I paid dear enough for; and, if my gracious God had not been pleased to reveal his truth to me himself, they would soon have led me to Bedlam, and from thence to hell, for, "if the blind lead the blind, both fall into the ditch." I hardly ever asked a scriptural question of a Jew, but his answer was, "You must ask the rabbies that; they can tell you, but I cannot." Yea, farther, that rooted enmity that they have in their mind against the Saviour, and their deeming him an impostor, was conceived originally by the devil in the hearts of the Jewish rabbies; as it is written, "Now when they were going, behold some of the watch came into the city, and shewed the chief priests all the things that were done. And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers, saying, Say ye, The disciples came by night and stole him while we slept." A likely matter that they should prove that his disciples stole him when they were fast asleep! However, a lie will go down with credit from the mouth of a priest. "And, if this comes to the governor's ears, we will persuade him, and secure you. So they took the money, and did as they were taught. And this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day," Matt. xxviii. 11-15. There was a two-fold death ministered in this lie; death to the soldiers for being asleep on their duty, and death to the souls of all that credited this lie: however, a priest could make it go down, though no other could. "We will persuade the governor, and secure you!" There was no doubt of that. How dangerous is a letter-learned head, an eloquent language, a venerable appearance, a popish robe, and a garb of mock sanctity, accompanied with ecclesiastical effrontery. Where the devil reigns and rules in the heart, the more learning, eloquence, external show, and human power they have, the more mischief they do. If Aaron sets up a calf, few knees will refuse to bend; and what is patronised by a priest in the wilderness will be accepted at Bethel. I believe Elijah had his reason for wearing a leathern girdle; and so had John the Baptist for wearing a garment of camel's hair; and, doubtless, the Saviour had his reasons for wearing a coat without seam, and sending his apostles out with this charge, "Take not two coats, and be shod with sandals." A blind watchman endangers a city; a false ambassador endangers a state: and a blind pilot leads his ship's crew to destruction; and, when he enters hell, his name is Legion. Sometimes, in reading the Bible, I have received a little encouragement from these words, "Wherefore I say unto you, all manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men;" but then, in a few minutes after, this passage would come, and, to my confused judgment, contradict it: "Verily I say unto you, that man shall give an account for every idle word." My mind and judgment were so confused, that I could not reconcile these two passages of scripture together; and, indeed, all the scriptures seemed to contradict each other throughout the whole book. O how blind is every man by nature! "The natural man discerneth not the things of the Spirit of God; nor can he know them, for they are spiritually discerned," I Cor. it. 14. However, this confusion laid in my blind understanding, and not in God's word; "for all the words of his mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them: they are all plain to him that understandeth, and right to them that find knowledge," Prov. viii. 8, 9. I found that this long and severe trial wonderfully weakened my body, as well as impaired my reason. It brought me almost to death's door. My life hanging perpetually in doubt before me, tried my temper amazingly; till at last I gave way so much to peevishness and fretfullness, that I was quite a burden to myself and to my family. And indeed it is a rare thing to see a sensible criminal cheerful when the sentence of death is passed on him; it is a bad sign in a literal, but much worse in a spiritual, sense. I still persevered in reading, though I did not understand the meaning of what I read, unless it were those passages that levelled their threatenings at me; and I still kept on praying, though my prayers were nothing but confusion; nor did I give up blessing the Lord while I was under those wretched temptations. I laboured hard also, for many months together, to keep the sabbath-day holy; putting great confidence in that act of obedience, if I could but have compassed my design. But, alas, I never kept one Lord's day holy all the time I was in that despairing way; for something or other occurred to put me out of temper on that day above all the days in the week. I have often been tempted to rise by three o'clock on the Lord's day morning, and go into some distant wood, and there stay till night, that I might not see any body to provoke me to anger. For many months I was harassed with this temptation But, alas, there is no more real religion in a wood than on board a ship, when this heart is destitute of the grace of God. I often thought my with behaved more contrary to me while I was in this state than ever she had done before. This made me have very hard thoughts of her. However, no family can be happy where allegorical Hagar, or the law of Moses, keeps house. My reader must "go and learn what that meaneth." At this time my wife knew not what cutting convictions were, therefore could form no judgment of my case: and I believe I tried her patience very severely; for my life was a burden to myself, and I went "mourning all the day long." I laboured as hard when at church to keep my mind and thoughts on the minister as I did to keep the sabbath, and had just as much success; for I could not stay my thoughts on the prayers or sermon any more than I could create a world, not even at private prayer; for my thoughts were flurried and confused by the devil, or chained down to the horrors of despair; so that, as Paul says, "I could not speak a good word, or think a good thought." Nor is there a man living that can, if he is truly convinced of sin; for the Saviour declares that without him man can do nothing, John, xv. 5. And I am sure he cannot, unless the Spirit of Christ condescends to work in him both to will and to do. This is dying to the law; and a long lingering death I had of it; as it is written, "I was alive without the law," Rom. vii. 9; "but when the commandment came (that is, with its convincing power, and in its spiritual meaning), sin revived, and I died," Rom. vii. 9. "But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence," Rom. vii. 8. "For without the law sin was dead. For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me; and the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death." And thrice happy is that soul who is dead to the law, to all hope in it, and to all expectation from it; for such a soul is "alive to God through Jesus Christ," and shall live by faith here, and in the full fruition of God hereafter, and that to all eternity. But perhaps my reader has never been in these deep waters; and therefore is troubled in his mind, fearing he hath "neither part nor lot in the matter." To which I answer, You are not to limit the Holy One of Israel. Has God blessed thee with a godly sorrow? for it is that which "worketh repentance unto salvation, not to be repented of," 2 Cor. vii. 10. Let not my reader, therefore, desire to travel through these regions of confusion. If thou art a child of God, thou wilt meet with as much of it as thy faith will be able to manage. God had a particular work for me to do, and therefore he qualified me accordingly. Gospel-ministers are called "fishers of men;" and some mystical fish, that are to be caught, are playing among the rocks of error; some of the serpentine kind, like eels, are crawling in the mire; and some are swimming on the surface of pleasure and vanity: each of these chosen ones must have its particular hook, Amos, iv. 2; or net, Matt. xiii. 47. My design in writing this book is to fish for those in the mud, or among the rocks; and therefore I bait my hook with the very same bait which caught me. For this cause, also, I have spoken very plainly about my temptations; for which I shall possibly be highly blamed by some who are not very well acquainted with heart-work; but wherefore should I regard that? seeing my testimony is that, and that only, which I received from God, "who revealed his Son in me." Not a word of it is either feigned, forged, or borrowed. No man shall stop me of this boasting in all the regions of Britain. David says, "he will make his boast of God all the day long, and tell others what God hath done for his soul." I know there are many poor souls who lie under very grievous temptations, and yet are tempted never to reveal their case; for Satan knows that a skilful hand, under God, would weaken his strong hold; therefore he tempts such to be his privy council; for we know he is not divided against himself: if he was, his kingdom would be destroyed. Howbeit, I am determined to write plainly about my temptations, as far as I can find them mentioned or hinted at in the scriptures; and those very black ones, which the scriptures are silent about, I will keep to myself, unless there be any poor buffeted soul who thinks his temptations to be without a parallel; such an one shall be welcome to a private conference with me. What has much encouraged me to write this treatise is, that God has been pleased to bring many deeply-tried souls into gospel-liberty under my ministry, while the ministry of some others has floated too much on the surface for them. As for Infidelity, I know she will give this testimony of God the lie; and, indeed, I should wonder if she did not, seeing that God has declared twice in his word, that she shall do it; as it is written, "Behold, ye among the heathen, and regard, and wonder marvellously; for I will work a work in your days, which ye will not believe, though it be told you," Hab. i. 5. And again, "Behold, ye despisers, and wonder, and perish; for I work a work in your days, a work which ye shall in no wise believe, though a man declare it unto you," Acts, xiii. 41. But "shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? God forbid. Yea, let God be true, and every man a liar," Rom. iii. 3, 4. I find in scripture that many professors gave the testimony of Paul the lie, though they saw that the Lord set his broad seal to it, as a proof that it was from him. And those who were sealed under the sound of his testimony brought forth fruit to the glory of the Great Sealer, Rom. iii. 7, 8; Gal. iii. 1, 2. I believe I shall ever have cause to bless the Almighty for bringing me the way that he did, though it appeared perilous; for it has made me more useful to others, and has also been a mean, under God, of effectually fixing my heart, and shielding me from many false doctrines that abound in our day. I have always thought those ministers, who have been well-stripped by a lawwork, and brought out in a conspicuous manner by the revelation of Christ to their consciences, never stink so rank of Arminianism, or popery, as those who are not acquainted with the plague of their own hearts; and their trumpet generally gives a more certain sound: they are most skilful also with a wounded conscience; and such will ever be attended with the choicest flock. If my reader be a poor tempted, dejected soul, he will long to put a few questions to me, which I conjecture may be these: - He will say in his heart, "I have heard of your convictions, and of the convictions that have exercised others also. I have read of the cutting convictions of Isaiah, David, Job, Paul, and others; I have also read of the convictions of Cain, Judas, Ahab, and Saul: and I cannot distinguish the one from the other. David says, 'I have sinned;' and Job says, 'I have sinned: what shall I answer thee?' And Judas says, 'I have sinned, and betrayed innocent blood.' David says, 'My sin is a sore burden, and too heavy for me to bear;' and Cain says, 'My punishment is greater than I can bear.' Their distresses and confessions are almost alike, says. my reader; and I am afraid my convictions are those of the latter class which you have mentioned. Now I want to know the difference between the convictions which end in gospel conversion, and those of the reprobate, or apostate, which lead to black despair, or to hardness of heart and desperate wickedness." You have asked me, I confess, a hard, puzzling question, and you ought to be wisely and soundly answered from the oracles of God; as a hasty, unscriptural solution may be attended, for a time, with bad consequences. I will, therefore, as God may enable me, give my reader as good an answer as he can expect from an illiterate coal-hearer. I read a book some time ago, written by a very great man, who seemed to cast all law-work aside, and said it ought not to be regarded: but I trust I shall be enabled to set that forth in a scriptural point of view. We know there must be a beginning, and a labour too, before there can be a birth; and so it is with God's children; there is a labour, sooner or later, more or less, to bring them all forth; as it is written, they are begotten "by the word of truth," James, i. 18; they "labour, and are in pain to bring forth," Micah, iv. 10; and are born again of the Holy Ghost, John, iii. 5; and then "perfect love casteth out fear," and glorious liberty from bondage takes place. First, What is it to convince a man of sin? It is to prove a man guilty by the laws of God and of conscience; so as to persuade his mind that he is a transgressor of those laws; and to bring him to acknowledge it, either by confession, by a fallen countenance, like Cain, or by a guilty silence, like the adulterous woman; which proves he has nothing but guilty to plead, and therefore ceases to plead at all. The man has these witnesses brought in against him; - lst. His own thoughts; 2dly. His own conscience; 3dly. The voice of a holy God in his righteous law; which three-fold testimony is sure to convict him. Then the sentence of that law is revealed, which is a death-warrant from the legal ministration; and this stops the sinner's mouth, and he appears condemned by the law of God; so that he cannot disown but that the sentence is justly due to him, and the Judge strictly just in denouncing that sentence. Secondly, What will convince a man of sin, and yet leave him without the grace of God? - I answer, The eye of God's justice fishing upon a rebel in his mad career of sin, and a visible view of the hand of God going out against him, may convince him of his acting diametrically opposite to the will of his Maker, as it is written, "And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the Lord looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians, and took off their chariot wheels, that they drove them heavily; so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel, for the Lord fighteth for them against the Egyptians," Exod. xiv. 24, 25. Secondly, when the lips of truth appeal to a man's conscience, and bring him to a proper reflection, insomuch that he is internally convicted, from a conscious knowledge of his being guilty of the crime for which the lips of truth have made their appeal to him; as it is written, "So, when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him east a stone at her. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own consciences (mark that), went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last," John, viii. 7, 9. Thirdly, A judgment denounced from the mouth of a minister against a sinner for his sin. After the sin has been described by a preacher, though erroneous preachers contradict it, and try to heal the wound, this will convince a man; as is seen in the days of Ahab. Micaiah declares he shall not return from the field of battle in peace, and is hated and imprisoned for it. Four hundred false prophets declare that he shall prosper, and the Lord shall deliver the victory into the hand of the king; and these prophets pleased the king well, for they prophesied good to the king with one voice. Surely they ought to please their own master; for they were prophets of his own making, and were kept at his own expense; and the devil was in them all, as you read, I Kings, xxii. 23. Notwithstanding all this, the death denounced by old Micaiah stuck close to his conscience; as it is written, "And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, I will disguise myself, and enter into the battle; but put thou on thy robes. And the king of Israel disguised himself, and went into the battle," I Kings, xxii. 30. Honest conscience pleaded powerfully against the promised success of four hundred prophets; and the prediction of good old Micaiah was fulfilled at Ramoth-Gilead, by an arrow sent from a venturous bow, which gave him his death's wound and his royal blood became, in consequence, a banquet for dogs. Fourthly, A man who has been much in the company of the righteous, has at times felt a superficial spark of joy from their fire, and has been an eye-witness of the providences and salvation of God in a temporal way; and who, after all this, turns an enemy to the righteous, whom he knows God favours; may, at times, convince a sinner, and bring him to confession; as may be seen in the case of Saul; "Return, my son David; thou art more righteous than I; I have rewarded thee evil, when thou hast saved my life; thou shalt surely be king." Fifthly, A question put to a guilty sinner, either by God himself, in a way of judgment, or by the mouth of his ministers, will at times convict the sinner, and send the painful arrow into his heart; as it is written, [Cain] "where is Abel thy brother? Thy brother's blood crieth." This brought down his countenance; nor could it ever stand afterward. Now what effect had all these convictions upon these men? Did they bring them to confess their sins to God? No; only to men. "God fighteth against us," said the host of Pharaoh. Were their eyes toward God for any help? No; they hated the light. Did their convictions bring them to God? No: they ran farther from him. Did they pray to him? No. Had they any hope in him? No. Were they convinced of the evil of their own hearts? No. Were they convinced of unbelief? No. Were they brought to hate sin, and loath themselves on the account of it? No; they sinned with a higher hand, and were yet more desperate. In like manner Ahab goes to battle; Saul also continues to persecute David, and even has recourse to the witch of Endor. I will now endeavour to shew my reader the method which the Spirit takes to convince a sinner, of the effects of that method, and how convictions operate under the management of the Holy Ghost. First, The Spirit's law of faith lays hold on the justice of God, and as fast a hold on the spirituality of the law of God; which law Of faith, though it has law and justice for its first objects, is, nevertheless, the new covenant law; as it is written - "I will write my law in their hearts, and will be their God, and they shall be my people," Jer. xxxi. 33. We are first convinced of our actual transgressions; "My sin is ever before me." Secondly, of the pollution of our nature; "We are all as an unclean thing, there is no soundness in us," saith the prophet Isaiah. God the Spirit convinces us that the law is spiritual, and that every thought of our heart is carnal; even our religion is shewn to be sin, and we call it dung and dross, as Paul did; as it is written, "the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin," Rom. vii. 14. Yea, the Spirit convinces us that we came forth from the womb polluted with original guilt, and by nature under the law, as children of wrath; as it is written, "Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? Not one," Job, xiv. 4. "How can he be clean that is born of a woman?" Job, xxv. 4. The Spirit leads us up to the fountain of pollution, by tracing the streams; as it is written, "In sin was I shapen, and ill iniquity did my mother conceive me," Psal. li. 5. And from this he leads us up to Adam's fall; as it is written, "Nevertheless, man being in honour abideth not; he is like the beasts that perish," Psal. xlix. 12. The Spirit of God not only convinces us of actual transgressions against the letter of the law; as also our internal pollution, evil thoughts, and rotten righteousness, before the spirituality of that law; but he likewise convinces us that there is a Saviour, and that there is mercy for the believer, but that we are in unbelief, and therefore cannot apply him; as it is written, "And, when the Comforter is come, he will reprove the world of sin, because they believe not in me," John, xvi. 8, 9. The Holy Spirit then proceeds to convince us of an imputed righteousness, or of the Saviour's active obedience to the law, paid by him as our surety; and of that being accepted by God, who is our creditor; and this is witnessed by his having sent an angel to roll away the stone on the grave's mouth, and thus taking him "from prison and from judgment," and then "defying the world to declare his fraternity," Isa. lilt. 8. Yea, "God raised him from the grave; accepted him, and the price he had paid as our surety; and his obedience as our full payment by him," Rom. v. 21; and gave him "all power in heaven and earth;" as you read, Matt. xxviii. 18. God sends his own Spirit to convince us of righteousness, because Christ is gone to the Father, John, xvi. 10; which is a proof that our surety is accepted, I Cor. xv. 27. This obedience of the Saviour is to justify many; as it is written, "By one man's obedience shall many be made righteous," Rom. v. 19. Christ Jesus brought in this everlasting righteousness Dan. ix. 24. God the Father accepts it, Isa. xxvi. 21; and make, a sinner righteous by it. The gospel reveals this righteousness of God, and no other, Rom. i. 17; and puts it to the account of the believer, though before he was ungodly, Rom. iv. 5. The Spirit convinces us of the need of this righteousness, and reveals it to the understanding; and, as the Spirit of faith, works faith in the heart; and faith puts this righteousness on; as it is written, "It is unto all and upon all that believe," Rom. iii. 22. And thus "the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith," Rom. i. 17 - from a faithful God to every one that is ordained to eternal life through faith: it is also "witnessed by the law and the prophets;" and it is upon every faithful member of Christ's mystical body. In this righteousness a man shall find acceptance with God, and peace of conscience. When the Arminians can overthrow this doctrine of imputed righteousness, they will overthrow the whole Bible, and render every soul that is now in heaven under the curse of Moses's law. Now let us view the workings of these convictions, under the management of God the Holy Ghost. First, These spiritual convictions are attended with a looking to God for help; "Mine eyes are ever towards the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net," Psal. xxix. 15. Such a soul not only looks to God for help, but he desires to know what these workings of his mind mean; and therefore "he comes to the light, that they may be made manifest." "And his eye waits on the Lord, as the eye of a man on the hand of his master, until he has mercy upon him." But the reprobate goes another way to work. When the Egyptians saw the eye of justice flashing from the cloud, they turned their eyes and backs too; such "hate the light, nor will they come to it, lest their deeds should be reproved," John, iii. 20. So the accusers of the poor woman went out from Christ the true light, as soon as conscience had done its office. Secondly, These convictions of the Spirit are attended with a turning the feet to God; as it is written," I turned my feet to thy testimony," Psal. cxix. 59. Yea, they follow after God while the chains of guilt and legal bondage lie heavy on them: and even then the Spirit helps them to cry and pray, while he holds them under the tuition of the law, as it is written. "They shall come after thee in chains, and with supplications and bitter weeping will I lead them," Isaiah, xlv. 14; Jer. xxxi. 9. But how does the reprobate act? Why he runs away. "The Egyptians fled; - the accusers of the adulterous woman went out role by one; - and Cain went out from the presence of God." I will never believe that Cain felt the burden of wrath with that keenness that some of the elect have done; for I was scarcely capable of fetching a tool for my work, or even digging up the ground; and for many months was quite dead to all the charms of mortals. But Cain went and married a wife in his trouble; set to work; built a city, and called the name of it after the name of his son, to gain the applause of the world. Thirdly, Spiritual convictions are attended with heart-felt confession in private to God; as it is written, "For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid: I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord," Psal. xxxii. 4, 5. But does the reprobate confess? Yes, Judas confessed to the high priest, "I have betrayed innocent blood." Did impenitent Pharaoh confess? Yes, to Moses; "I have sinned against the Lord, and against you; entreat the Lord for me" to take away the frogs. Does Cain confess? Yes, his punishment, not his sin; "My punishment is greater than I can bear," Gen. iv. 13. Fourthly, A soul convicted by the Spirit of God will call upon God; nor can all the devils in hell, nor all the persecutors in the world, ever stop the mouth of prayer, when the Spirit of the everblessed God takes possession. "The sorrows of death compassed me, and the Pains of hell get hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the Lord: O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul," Psal. cxvi. 3, 4. The blessed Spirit will make such souls pray under the greatest discouragements; as we may see in the matter of Hezekiah. "In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And the prophet Isaiah, the son of Amos, came unto him, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Set thine house in order, for thou shalt die and not live. Then he turned his face to the wall, and prayed unto the Lord," 2Kings, xx. 1, 2. Thus the elect follow God with supplications, even when they are in chains; and pour out a prayer when God's chastening hand is upon them," Isa. xxvi. 16. "But the hypocrites in heart heap up wrath; they cry not when God binds them," Job, xxxvi. 13. Fifthly, The repentance of a chosen vessel is said to bring him near to God; as it is written," I testify both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God," [mark that - toward God] Acts, xx. 21. But which way does the repentance of a reprobate drive him? Why, farther from God; as it is written, "Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, [mark that - repented himself] and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, I have sinned, in that I have betrayed innocent blood. And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself," Matt. xxvii. 3, 4, 5. Thus the scripture was fulfilled, which saith, "Though wickedness be sweet in his mouth, though he hide it under his tongue, though he spare it, and forsake it not, but keep it still within his mouth, yet his meat, or sop, in his bowels is turned; it is the gall of asps within him; he hath swallowed down riches, and he shalt vomit them up again: God shall cast them out of his belly," Job, xx. 12-15. Sixthly, Convictions by the Spirit are attended with an invisible hope, which, as a sure anchor, keeps the soul from drowning in perdition, as it is written, "Why art thou cast down, O my soul: and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God," Is. xliii. 5. But where is the hope of the reprobate? "The hypocrite's hope shalt perish; whose hope shall be cut off, and whose trust shall be a spider's web," Job, viii. 13, 14. Seventhly, Those who experience spiritual convictions have always an intense desire after God, even though they meet with perpetual disappointments; as it is written, "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick; but, when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life," Prov. xiii. 12. And again, "With my whole soul have I desired thee" in the night; "but the wicked say unto God, Depart from us, for we desire not the knowledge of thy ways," Job, xxi. 15. Eighthly, A man convicted by the Spirit is so humbled as to submit to the righteousness of God when it is brought near to him; "they count their own righteousness but filthy rags; yea, but dung, that they may win Christ, and be found in him; not having their own righteousness, which is of the law, but the righteousness which is of God by faith." Thus "the elect, who sought not after righteousness [by the law], have attained to it." But hypocrites are said to be "stout-hearted, and far from [this] righteousness;" as it is written, "Hearken unto me, ye stout-hearted, that are far from righteousness; I bring near my righteousness," Isa. xlvi. 12, 13. They refuse this righteousness; as it is written, "For they, being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth," Rom. x. 3, 4. The elect are said to attain to this righteousness, and they that seek it by the works of the law are blinded," Rom. ii. 7; as it is written, "What shall we say, then? - that the Gentiles, which followed not after righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness which is of faith: but Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness. Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law; for they stumbled at that stumbling-stone," Rom. ix. 30 - 32. And this is the stone that the Arminians have stumbled at to this day. They are denying and ridiculing the righteousness of the Son of God, and laying their own boasted merit at the bottom of the building; but "on whomsoever this stone shall fall, it will grind him to powder," Matt. xxi. 44. God declares "their webs shall not become garments, neither shall they cover themselves with their works," Isa. lix. 6. Ninthly, The Spirit of God humbles the sinner; and brings him not only to own, but also to submit to, the sovereignty of his maker, Job, xliii. 6; and to close in with the doctrine of eternal election, Acts, xxii. 14. Thus God appears "just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus," Rom. iii. 26. But carnal convictions will stir up a man impiously to reply against God; as it is written, "Why doth he yet find fault?" The Spirit's answer to such is, "Nay, but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say unto him that formed it, Why hast thou formed me thus?" Rom. ix. 19, 20. Such wage war against God's sovereignty, and his revealed doctrines of election and predestination, as all Arminians do at this day, and even strive against God himself: but they shall never preveil; for God says, "We unto him that striveth with his Maker" Isa. xlv. 9. God has laid a secret snare for mystical Babylon, and all merit-mongers; as it is written, "I have laid a snare for thee, and thou art also taken, O Babylon, and thou wast not aware: thou art found, and also caught, because thou hast striven against the Lord," Jer. 1. 24 Thus, courteous reader, I have gone a little out of my intended way, in order to answer thy supposed question; and I hope God will enable thee to make a comfortable use of it But to return- I had been at Kingston about seven or eight months, in the distressed condition which I have before mentioned; having just strength enough to move about and attend my work, and that was all. Being at that time sorely tried with the cruel mockings of my follow-workmen, I longed much to leave that place. It so fell out, that the foreman came to me one day, and informed me that a gentleman at Sunbury wanted a gardener; telling me at the same time that the gentleman's gardener had cut his throat, after having embezzled some of his master's money. I went immediately after the place, and was accordingly hired. In a few days after I went to my servitude; and my guilt, fear, horror, and temptations accompanied me. At that time my wife went to see her relations in Dorsetshire, and continued with them ten or twelve weeks. I was now got into a strange place, and my only companion had left me: the family that I served was in London; and, as they had lately bought the house, they did not intend coming into it till it was fitted up, and the gardens put in proper order. An old woman was also kept to take care of the house, until it was fitted up and furnished for the reception of the family. My curiosity prompted me to inquire strictly of the housekeeper the cause of the gardener having cut his throat. She accordingly informed me that he had received money from his master to buy some clothes with; but, instead of that, he had spent it all: and that soon after a letter was found, which he had unguardedly dropped, that had come from a gentleman of the faculty, containing a large bill for curing him of the venereal disease, and many threatenings for having neglected to discharge it. She added, that it was supposed he had obtained this money under the pretext of buying clothes, while he meant to pay this bill; but, getting into company, he had spent the whole: which people conjectured was the cause of the violent attempt he had made on his life. I then asked in what manner he had done it; she answered, that the gardener came home about four o'clock in the morning, went up stairs, and cut his throat with a razor; but, finding he had not done it effectually, he stopped the wound with his hankerchief, lest he should bleed on the stairs, while he went into the kitchen to fetch his pruning-knife, with which he cut it again; and, again stopping the wound with his handkerchief, went into the street, and walked on the road till he dropped down with the loss of blood. Some people soon after found him, and alarmed the neighbourhood. He was brought home, and a surgeon sent for to close up the wound, which was thought to be mortal, as the throat was deeply cut; however the wound was closed; but, under the operation, and with the loss of blood, he had violent fits; and, being a strong bony man, it was as much as five or six men could do to hold him: and no wonder that the devil afforded him such aid, when he had brought him so near an awful end. However, he was sent to an hospital; and, whether he lived or died, I cannot inform my reader. I then desired to see the room where he had committed this violent act. She accordingly shewed me the room, and where the blood had run on the boards, which they had endeavoured to plane out; but, the hoards being old, they could not get the stain out. I then asked her how he behaved when they had sewn up the wound, and whether he could speak? She replied, "Yes, just to be understood;" for the people asked him how he could be guilty of so rash an action: and he said, "It was that black man who stands in the corner of the room; he told me to do it, and he tempted me to it." The relation of these circumstances was like fresh fuel to feed the flame of wrath that was already kindled in my heart; and, to complete all, she told me that was the bed I was to lie in. I now thought every thing conspired together in order to bring me to death and destruction. I was all day long tempted to do as this man had done. He was left to do it, and why not I? I thought his temptations could not be stronger than mine were. And he was left of God, and why should not I, seeing my mind was daily harassed with such blasphemies against him? O the subtlety of the devil; first to deceive, and then to destroy, mankind! But who can wonder at this, when he tempted the blessed Son of God to self-murder, by advising him to throw himself down from the pinnacle of the temple; as it is written, "Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, and saith unto him, If thou be the, Son of God, cast thyself down; for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee; and in their hands they sit all bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone," Matt iv. 5, 6. You see the devil quoted scripture to obtain his end, and left out that part of the text that made against the temptation. Satan quoted the text from Ps. xci. 11, 12. And he handled it wisely, for he left out just seven words; namely, "to keep thee in all thy ways." The devil knew that rash presumption was not God's way, nor would God be tempted. How did the devil know that? my reader may say. By his own experience; for Satan had been presumptuous even in heaven; and his presumption led him to break through the rules of happiness, and launched him into the bottomless pit, where he must ever lie under the guilt of the great transgression. Satan likewise omitted another verse (the 18th) of the same psalm, which made point blank against him; it being written, "Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet." These words were made good to the ever-lovely Jesus; therefore the Saviour stood firm on the pinnacle, when the devil fell headlong; as it is written, "The accuser of the brethren is cast down," Rev. xii. 10. Christ cast him both on the pinnacle of God's house, and on the accursed tree also. We may here see the cunning which the devil uses to ensnare unguarded minds: he is always on the watch to support his own cause; for, as the Saviour says, "If Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself: how then should his kingdom stand?" Matt. xii. 26. I think I never was before so sunk in despair as at this time. My sins standing perpetually before my eyes - the guilt of them so keen within me - the scriptures levelling their dreadful threatenings at me as a sinners temptations very violent all day long - a room to lie in where, the devil had gained his point over a fellow sinner - and I at the same time so timorous and fearful that I was almost afraid to walk alone, having been so long haunted with these terrors - I used to go to bed with as much reluctance as the ox goeth to the slaughter, being fearful that every night would be my last. The old woman, who lived in the house with me, perceiving me very serious, and dead to all vain conversation, lent me a book - one of the best, she said, that ever was written - THE WHOLE DUTY OF MAN! This book I eagerly embraced, read in it every opportunity that offered, and laboured hard all day long to live up to its rules; and, if I made a false step, I endeavoured to mend that by performing a double task. During many months I was thus employed, but all in vain; for how can a blind man see there ways of God, or a dead man perform a divine and spiritual service? Satan now began again to tempt me violently that there was no God; but I reasoned against the belief of that, from my own experience of his dreadful wrath; and I said, "How can I credit this suggestion, when his wrath is already revealed in my heart, and every curse in his book levelled at my head?" The devil answered, that the Bible was false, and only wrote by cunning men to puzzle and deceive people. I also reasoned against this, and the devil answered me as forcibly. I therefore do not at all wonder why Satan is so often styled "a familiar spirit." He argued with me thus: "If the Bible be true, it declares God to be loving, pitiful, gracious, merciful, willing to hear prayer, and to help the distressed; ready to forgive; and that he will be found of them that seek him. Now, can any creature try to please him more than you have done? Can any pray more? Can any stand in greater need of mercy than you do? And have you found him merciful? Have you not rebuked me in the name of Jesus, and prayed against me; and do I not keep possession of you still? And I will bring you back to sinning again, as bad as ever; I will wear you out, if I pursue you to the grave." "There is no God," replied the adversary, "nor is the Bible true." I could not answer him, nor could I contradict this: I only asked, Who then made the world? He replied, "I did; and I made men too." "Alas?" said I, "what! devils make men?" The answer was, "Yes, I made you." "Then," said I, "devils make devils, for I am filled with devils." I thought this engagement would have driven me to distraction. Satan, perceiving my rationality almost gone, followed me up with another temptation: That, as there was no God, I must come back to his work again; and, as I had fled from his service to cry after a God, when there was no such being, I had acted hypocritically with him; and, when he brought me to hell, he would punish me more than all the rest, for he was the tormentor. I cried out "Oh. what will become of me? what will become of me?" He answered, that there was no way for me to escape but by praying to him, and that he would shew me some lenity when he took me to hell. I was obliged to set down my spade, and leave my work; and I went and sat in my tool-house, halting between two opinions; whether I should petition Satan, or whether I should keep praying to God till I could ascertain the consequences. When I was thinking of bending my knees to such a cursed being as Satan, an uncommon fear of God sprung up in my heart to keep me from it. Oh! how good is our God! He plants "his fear in our hearts, that we should not depart from him." Finding this strong preventing fear in my heart, and a thought that I should find a God some time or other, I told the adversary to cease tempting me; adding, that, if he could drag me to hell, his state would not be made better by that, for he was already damned. This fear fortified me so, that I was desperately bold, and almost the devil's match. I told him he was damned, and he could not contradict it. This weakened the temptation for a time; and it was agreeable to that scripture which saith, "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you," Jam iv. 7. I now got up from my seat, and went to work. I lifted up my head to God in prayer, and there appeared a rainbow in all its beauty, the finest I ever saw; it seemingly encompassed the horizon. I cried out at the sight of this, and said to mine accuser, "There is a God, and the Bible is true; God's word says, I will set my bow in the cloud; and there it is; my eyes now see it. There is a God; and God's word is true." The enemy could make no reply to this; so the temptation was much weakened, and I had a few hours respite; not from the temptation itself, but from the fiery force of it. I should not have mentioned this temptation so plainly, if I had not found the like mentioned in the Bible. Satan tempted the Saviour to believe that the world was his; and he might as well have said that he made it; for the maker of it must be the owner of it. However, Satan wanted even the dear Redeemer to pray to him and adore him; as it is written, "Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; and saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me," Matt. iv. 8, 9. "All shall be thine," said Satan, "if thou wilt worship me." And pray what is this but saying, I will give thee all these things, if thou wilt kneel down, and pray to me for them? I believe our dear Redeemer told his disciples of these temptations in private, in order to comfort them in their temptations; for as they could not be eye-witnesses, they must have remained ignorant of them, unless Christ had informed them. Many more sore temptations did Jesus undergo, during his ministry, beside this first engagement, as appears evident from these words; "And, When the devil had ended all the temptation, he departed from him for a season," Luke, iv. 13. Mark that, "for a season;" not for good and all. And I believe, too, that he had many temptations after that, which the apostles knew of while they sat under his ministry; as appears from that passage where the Saviour, in speaking to his disciples concerning his temptations, says, "Ye are they which have continued with me in my temptations; [mark that - temptations - many of them.] And I appoint unto you a kingdom, as my Father hath appointed unto me," Luke, xxii. 28, 29. Here the dear Redeemer is both commending and comforting them, "Ye have continued with me in my temptations; you have not turned your backs on me on that account; and I appoint unto you a kingdom, &e." O! sweet encouragement to them; and a sweet cordial to Peter, who was just ready to go into the devil's sieve, as appears in the following verses, "And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have thee, that he may sift thee as wheat; but I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not; and, when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren;" or, comfort them that are tempted. Thus the blessed Redeemer "was tempted in all points like as we are, yet without sin," Heb. iv. 15. Reader, art thou a tempted one? Take comfort from this consideration; that, if the devil would engage "the captain of our salvation, how can we poor common soldiers expect to escape? "We must fight manfully under the Saviour's banner, against the world, the flesh, and the devil; and continue Christ's faithful soldiers or servants." There is a vein of the saints' temptations runs through the whole Bible; and how sweet has that vein been opened to my soul since the Lord delivered me out of my troubles! I am fully persuaded, by the word of the Lord, that when the elect are engaged in the field of battle against the devil, they are engaged in the war that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost, have declared. First, God the Father declared it, "And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel:" which words must not be limited to the Saviour's humanity only; but, in a figurative sense, they are applicable to his body mystical, the heel of that body being the feeblest of the chosen tribes, or the weaklings in faith; such as those were whom Amalek, the devil's type, engaged; as it is written, "Remember what Amalek did unto thee by the way, when ye were come forth out of Egypt; how he met thee by the way, and smote the hindmost of thee, even all that were feeble behind thee, when thou wast faint and weary; and he feared not God," Deut. xxv. 17, 18. Thus he bruises the heel. The eye being the foremost member, and the heel the last, in the mystical body of Christ. Secondly, The Saviour himself came to engage in this war, and then he proclaimed the same war for us," I came not to send peace upon earth, but a sword," and a fire; yea, saith the Saviour, "the hour of temptation shall come on all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth," Rev. iii. 10. But he gives us a promise of power to tread, even as his father gave him. Mark that word tread; it is a quotation of the promise that God the Father made to Christ; as it is written, "Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder," Psal. xci. 13. And the Saviour applies the same promise to us, "I will give you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the adversary; and nothing shall by any means hurt you," Luke, x. 19. Thirdly, God the Holy Ghost hath declared this war between the elect and Satan; [mark, Christ is one of the elect.] And it was the Spirit of God that mustered the battle, and led the Saviour forth to the field; as it is written, "Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness, to be tempted of the devil; and, when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterwards an hungered," &c. Matt. iv. 1, 2. And I believe that it is the same blessed Spirit that leads God's elect forth to the same conflict. Satan reigns and rules in all our hearts while we are disobedient, as the scriptures witness; but it is the Holy Ghost that "binds this strong man armed, and casts him out; takes all his armour from him wherein he trusted, and divides the spoil," as the Saviour saith. Satan, finding himself dethroned, or cast down, begins to wage war with us; and the Holy Spirit leads us forth to engage him, and to shield us in the combat, by working that faith in the heart which lays hold of Christ, and which leads us to the atonement of the Lamb; and we overcome Satan by faith in that blood, Rev. xii. 11. This shews us the power of Satan, the deadly evil of sin, the victorious power of spiritual faith, and the sufficiency of Christ, as a shield of that faith, to "quench the fiery darts of the wicked," Ephes. vi. 16; and also leads us experimentally to know and enjoy the supporting and comforting influences of the blessed Spirit of God. I found great comfort, when God delivered my soul, in seeing my own temptations so much like some of my blessed Master's. And I was much amazed at that invisible assistance from God, which had "kept my mouth as it were with a bridle" all the while the adversary laid so hot a siege to my mind. But to return to my subject. Finding that I had gathered a little strength by the sight of the rainbow, I laboured and prayed more earnestly than ever; if I spake a word amiss ten times a day, I would run to prayer every time and beg pardon, being determined to rub off as I went. I made inquiry when the sacrament was to be administered, and found I had two weeks to prepare myself in; so I began upon that, and kept close to my daily task. And now most dreadful temptations came again afresh, with as much violence as ever. Finding this, I was determined to weaken them, as I thought, by fasting. And this was more than I could well bear, because I worked very hard; so that, when I came to add fasting to hard labour, it almost overset me. But what will not a guilty sinner do when he is at the gates of hell? When the sacramental sabbath arrived, I went to the table in all the horror and terror imaginable; then back to my pew, and there wept and prayed till I almost fainted, and was obliged to go home to bed. By this rigorous fast I had brought myself so low that I was almost in a decline; nothing would stay on my stomach for some time after. This I found would not do; therefore I never afterwards ran to such extremes. My adversary now attacked me from another quarter; namely, that I had received the sacrament unworthily, and therefore had contracted the greatest guilt by it; that a worthy communicant was one who was free from all sin, but I was not; and that, if any communicant ever sinned after he had received the sacrament, there was no mercy for him. This drove me to my wit's end; I could not sleep during the night, but used to lie crying and praying till my bed was wet with sweat and tears; commanding my adversary, in the name of Jesus Christ, to depart. However, it was all to no purpose, for my guilt and temptations stuck close to me; and many a time was I tempted to do as my predecessor had done, which made me afraid to look at a knife or razor. Being quite worn out with these long trials, and fretting all day long, I began secretly to wish that I had never thought about religion at all; as then I should have had some ease in this world, if I was damned in the next. Wherefore I was determined to break through all bounds, let what would be the consequence. I therefore set off to an alehouse, got into company, and so drowned my horror for a time. But how I felt it the next morning, I shall leave those to judge who have tried the wretched experiment However, I persisted in this resolution; and the next day went to see a review on Laylham Common; so got into company, and began with light, trifling conversation. This, with the assistance of liquor, kept the conviction of my conscience stifled for a time. I continued this dissolute course for some weeks, and offered desperate violence to my own conscience, striving hard to drown all thoughts of God and futurity: and, if conscience would force in a word, I replied thus - "If I am damned, I shall not be damned alone; the greatest part of mankind will bear me company." And I believe I uttered this with my lips. Is this free will? Yes, this is the human will in all her boasted rectitude! Thus I went on, and had in a measure accomplished my wretched design; namely, that of hardening my conscience. About this time there came a man from Kingston, with whom I had contracted an intimacy; he was a very moral man, and a great reader. Knowing me to be of a serious turn of mind, he brought me a sermon in manuscript, copied from some author He made me a present of it; and, at his departure, I went with him and treated him, in order to keep conscience down, and I knew I should have dreadful work of it if ever conscience got the advantage of me again. However, at my return I opened this book, and found it to be a sermon from this text: "For Tophet is ordained of old; yea, for the king it is prepared, he hath made it deep and large; the pile thereof is fire and much wood; the breath of the Lord, like a stream of brimstone, doth kindle it," Isa. xxx. 33. I took the book up stairs with me, and read it till my hair stood erect upon my head; and I thought for a few minutes, that I really was in hell. I cried aloud, for all those violent acts of rebellion were charged upon my conscience, after making so many vows, and frequenting the Lord's table; that now I had sinned out of the reach of mercy. I thought I should have torn my flesh from my bones. I stripped stark naked to read and pray; and made a vow to God, never to go any more into a public-house, during the time that I lived at Sunbury, if he would but pardon me for this desperate act of rebellion. But there appeared no signs of pardon; therefore I superstitiously laid the Bible under my pillow, to operate as a charm, in case the devil should attempt to carry me away in the night. I wrapped myself up in the clothes, and lay till I sweated with anguish of soul. When the morning appeared I wept aloud to God, out of gratitude to him whom I had so offended, that another day had been granted me before I met my expected and dreadful end. For several weeks together I watched my animal frame, in order to observe whether sickness, or any disorder, had begun to chase my guilty soul out of her clay tabernacle. Sometimes I would fancy myself very ill, and then conclude that my long-expected end was at hand. But, when the next morning arrived, I wept aloud again, and said - " What! out of hell yet! O, good and gracious Lord! Would I let such a rebel live, if he was such an enemy to me as I am to thee? No; I would destroy him if it were in my power. And can I blame the Almighty if he damns such a rebel as I am? No; I deserve it; I have done all that I could do to offend him; and therefore it is my just due." I now began to think that God had a secret regard for me; that he pitied me, and would save me if he could; but I supposed he could not, because I thought that I had sinned out of the reach of his revealed promise; and I knew it was impossible for him to lie, or to make his promise void: nor could I desire him to expose the honour and glory of his sacred majesty to the contempt of fools and devils, to save a wretch like me. I therefore began to love him, pity him, and feel for his honour. Yea, I sat down under these considerations, contented even with the thoughts of certain damnation; being fully persuaded, in my own mind, that God would shew me as much lenity, even in hell, as his truth and justice would admit of; "for God is not man that he should lie, nor the son of man that he should repent." He hath spoken, and he must make it good; his spotless purity, and his divine veracity, bind him to it. Every morning, therefore, when I waked, I cried out and blessed him for sparing me another night. I was certain that he would let me dwell in the land of the living as long as his secret decrees would allow him; and I pitied and blessed him from my very heart. If at any time a ray of comfort even seemed to operate on my mind, I coyly put it from me, not desiring his blessed Majesty to exceed the bounds of his revealed will. What a poor blind soul I then was! But God knoweth that I lie not; I simply inform my reader the whole truth, just as I then felt it. And, if I had gone no farther in the knowledge of God than this, it is better divinity than any branch of Arminianism I have ever yet heard of. For I had a strong faith in God's immutability, in his justice, and in his mercy, where it could be shewn consistent with his righteousness; and I was very far from thinking that God was a liar, like myself; as it is written, "Let God be true, but every man a liar." I wish the Arminians would observe this golden rule; they would not then affirm that we may be children of God to-day, and be cast away as children of the devil tomorrow. They ought at least to let God appear as perfect as themselves. But no man will ever be clear in the immutability, faithfullness, truth, holiness and justice, of God, till he has, more or less, felt the severity of the law, nor will he preach up triumphant grace, unadulterated, until he has felt its power working a change in him, which, with all his efforts, he could not possibly accomplish. During the time I was under this frame of mind I one night dreamed that I was climbing up the outside of a very magnificent building, and had got a great way towards the top of it; but some wretched beings kept throwing water in my face, to hinder my ascent, I found myself, in consequence, in imminent danger of falling, which I thought must unavoidably kill me, as I had got up into the upper regions, and had nothing to sustain me but my hands and feet as I climbed on the outside of this building. However, I reached the top, and found myself delivered from all my fears, and filled with joy. In my joyful acclamations I awoke, "and behold it was a dream!" But I gathered the comforts of hope from it; and concluded that I should have dreadful difficulties to encounter in my way to heaven, but that I should arrive there at last. This gave me fresh encouragement to continue my efforts, though it was against both wind and tide. I was now determined to go from church to church, till I should find a minister that could point out the way to me in which God, in his justice, could save a sinner. I had a strong faith in God's immutability, holiness, justice, and truth; and was sure he would he faithful both to his justice and mercy: but yet I did not see how I could be saved, because justice and holiness militated against me as a sinner. Still, however, by the dream, I thought I should get to heaven. I therefore was determined to pay all possible attention to the sermons which I heard; and would listen only to hear which way a sinner like me could be saved with justice on his side. This was all I wanted, and this I knew would answer my purpose. I had learned the other lessons already. On the Lord's day following I went to Kingston, to my old favourite minister; and, when I came there, was told there had been a great disturbance in the town about the methodists coming there; and that the people had been endeavouring to drive them out of the place, as they came to deceive ignorant people, and draw poor souls away from the church. I answered, It was a great pity that the king suffered them to preach; and added, that it fulfilled what Peter said, that false teachers should come; and that it was such wretches as these that would hasten the end of the world, which I was loath to meet. I inquired if many people went after them; and was informed that several did, which I was grieved to hear. I therefore blessed myself that I had been kept from these "wolves in sheep's clothing," as I termed them; and then went with my burdened conscience to my favoured church. As soon as I got into the bowels of my old solid mother, I bedewed her pavement with many a silent tear, and blessed her sacred walls in the name of the Lord of Hosts. When I had taken my seat, I viewed her venerable inside, and secretly vowed that nothing but death should ever separate that insensible revered parent from her poor blind child. When the minister appeared I found it was my old favourite whom I was glad to see. But when he read his text, he rather staggered me, as I thought he was going to preach in favour of methodism. It was this, "And now I say unto you, refrain from these men, and let them alone; for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought; but, if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it, lest haply ye be found even to fight against God," Acts, v. 38, 39. I thought he was going to caution the people not to misuse these false prophets. But he did not do that: though he spake enough against the methodists to convince me that he was a true son of the church; yet he did not belabour them as I thought he ought to have done. However, he soon cleared himself of that imputation also; for he told us that the churches of England were such plain, substantial buildings - their altarpieces and other ornaments so decent - the order of the establishment so apostolic - their prayers, collects, &c. so well adapted - and that she had stood unshaken on her basis (I think he said) fifteen hundred years; - and then he laid his hand upon his breast, and said with peculiar emphasis, "I speak from my heart, that she never has been overthrown, and I believe she never will." To this I put my secret Amen, and that gave it a final close. In short, I enthroned him higher in my affections than ever he was before. Indeed there is no fear of such religion being overthrown, for it has got the world on its side. And, while the names mother and church are applied to the building, and the title of Father in God put on a dead prelate, the family will always be of the same stamp. But surely we may warrantably say to such fathers, What begettest thou? - and to such mothers, What hast thou brought forth? - But to return- I now set off for Sunbury as an established member of the church of England, and filled with indignation against the methodists; and, when I came to Hampton town, I looked up at the church, pulled off my hat, bowed my head, and blessed her in the name of the Lord. I was become quite an iron pillar and brazen wall to the church; and should have made strange havock among the methodists, had I been intrusted with the office of inquisitor-general. On the next Lord's Day I proposed to go farther a-field, to some other church; but I was informed that there was a clergyman coming down from London to preach at Sunbury; which I was happy to hear; for I did not like the minister at Sunbury, because he was running about the fields all the week with a gun in his hand; so that I never thought his person was sacred unless he had his gown and cassock on. He likewise greatly disgusted me once at the church, as he was reading one of the lessons for the day; for, when he came to these words, "And David came to his house at Jerusalem; and the king took the ten women his concubines, whom he had left to keep the house, and put them in ward and fed them, but went not in unto them: so they were shut up unto the day of their death, living in widowhood," 2 Sam. xx. 3: he was so agitated by his lascivious thoughts, that he tittered and laughed, and had much ado to refrain from laughing aloud. I now viewed him with indignation; and thought that, if he felt the evil of sin, the wrath of God, and the pains of hell, as I did, he would not trifle thus in the house of God. My foolish and blind heart had long been swaddled up in the gown and cassock: but these things now and then gave them a rent. However, when the next Lord's Day arrived, I went to hear a clergyman who came from London; and admired every word of his sermon; but never saw a minister with his hair dressed in such a manner in all my life. He is called the macaroni parson in London. I have often seen him in the print shops. Surely there never was one like him before, nor ever will be again, when God has cut him down. In the afternoon I heard him again, and liked him exceedingly; and I went and stood at the outside of the yard gate, along with my fellow-servants, intending to have made him a reverend bow, and take an affectionate leave of him. Presently I saw him coming down from the church with a rakish young fellow in his arm; and, when they came up to us, they gave one of my fellow-servants a wanton glance, and another such an amorous salutation as old Beau Nash would have given to Kitty Fisher. I now looked at him with indignation; "Alas!" said I, "where shall we look for Christians, if the clergy are so destitute of Christianity? There goes a man who turns up his eyes to God, and looks and speaks in the pulpit like an angel; and, when out of the church, acts like the priests of Siloe, whom the Holy Ghost styles sons of belial, or of the devil." This gave the gown and cassock another rent; and I began to pity the cause of God my Maker, on the account of his honour, which they impiously sullied by their wanton conduct. When the next Lord's day arrived I went over to Hampton church, where I saw a tall stout young man, with a venerable aspect; one that I had never before seen, and from whom I expected great things. His text was, "Enter into thy closet, and pray to thy Father who seeth in secret." I gave him all the attention I could, in order that I might find out in what way a sinner could be saved. However, it was all in vain, for he could not speak to be heard; and as for prayer he said nothing about it. He told us that virtue would lead us to prayer, and that the Saviour spoke this against the Pharisees, who loved to pray in the markets, &c., and in about twelve minutes he wound up his incoherent odds and ends, and I went out in all the horrors of the damned. As I went along the church-yard I saw the blind guide come laughing out of the church with a pair of wanton lasses, one in each arm. I found my disappointment had wound me up in such anger against him, that I even closed my fist at him, and secretly longed in my mind to give him a drubbing; for I was grown quite desperate. Presently after a couple of reputable men passed by me; and I heard one of them say to the other, "I would sooner by half sit at home and read my Bible, than come to church to hear such a fellow as that, with his nonsense." I was glad to hear the man speak as he did, and thought he was seeking after the way to heaven as well as my self, and that he had been disappointed as well as me. As I went mourning home, it came in my mind that the clergy knew which way God could save sinners, but they would not tell us, lest we should get as wise as themselves - that they had learned the path for themselves, but their keeping us ignorant of it was on purpose to keep us close to the church. These thoughts made me hate them still the more, till I was almost ready to vomit up the gown and cassock entirely. However, the next Lord's day I went over to my old favourite, and took my wife with me to the Lord's table. On that day we were entertained with a sermon on charity, about the wonderful feats of that virtue, and of its covering "a multitude of sins." This discourse I liked, as there were some passages of scripture in it. But then there was an impediment laid in my way, which was poverty. Had I possessed the whole world, I would have given it all for one hour's respite from the horrors of hell that I then felt. Charity I found would do wonders: but I had no money to give, therefore I was ready to curse my poverty - and, consequently it led me to envy the rich. However, I gave all the alms that I could, though I suffered greatly for want of necessaries myself; but this brought no deliverance to my soul; all my guilt, and all my terrors, still continued with me. And indeed there is no charity that can cover a multitude of sins, but that which is in God, and which he shewed when he gave his Son; whose blood cleanses from all sin, and whose righteousness is a covering for all our imperfections. The next Lord's day I went over to Upper Moulsey church, where there was preaching only once a fortnight, and that happened not to be the day. I therefore set off from thence, and went to Isleworth church; where my ears were charmed with the sound of an organ, which was like singing songs to a heavy heart; however, the minister rather pleased me; his behaviour was becoming the place. He treated largely on the properties of Virtue, but did not trace her to any origin, nor lay her down as a rule supported, by Scripture, to save a sinner: though he spoke much in her praise, yet he never told us whether she was from heaven, or of men. I therefore could not get at the bottom of the matter, nor find out who she was; describing her properties was not sufficient: I wanted to know her nativity. If she came from heaven, I thought I would pray for her; if she grew in the hearts of men by nature, then I knew I had no part or lot in the matter. However, going home pensive and sad, ruminating in my mind what virtue could be, and sinking deeper and deeper in despondency, I came at last into Sir Philip Musgrove's park, where I walked till near midnight; and all on a sudden I was enwrapped in all the comforts of hope - I blessed God and wept aloud - I talked with God, and kneeled down and prayed in the path way, and was as happy as my heart could wish. This continued till I got into my bed-room, where the man had before cut his throat, and then this frame of mind began to wear off a little. However, having got a little book that a person had lent me, which recommended vows to be made to God, I accordingly stripped myself naked, to make a vow to the Almighty, if he would enable me to cast myself upon him. Thus I bound my soul with numerous ties, and wept over every part of the written covenant which this book contained. These I read naked on my knees, and vowed to perform all the conditions that were therein proposed. Having made this covenant, I went to bed; wept and prayed the greatest part of the night; and arose in the morning, pregnant with all the wretched resolutions of fallen nature. I now manfully engaged the world, the flesh, and the devil, in my own strength; and I had hound myself up with so many promised conditions, that, if I failed in one point, I was gone for ever, according to the tenor of my own covenant; provided that God should deal with me according to my sin, and reward me according to mine iniquity. But before the week was out I broke through all these engagements, and fell deeper into the bowels of despair than ever I had been before. And now, seemingly, all was gone - I gave up prayer; and secretly wished to be in hell, that I might know the worst of it, and be delivered from the fear of worse to come, I was now again tempted to believe that there was no God; and wished to close in with the temptation, and be an established or confirmed atheist; for I knew, if there was a God, that I must be damned; therefore I laboured to credit the temptation, and fix it firm in my heart. "But, alas!" said I, "how can I? If I credit this, I must disbelieve my own existence, and dispute myself out of common sense and feeling; for I am in hell already-there is no feeling in hell but I have an earnest or - hell is a place where mercy never comes; I have a sense of none - it is a separation from God; I am without God in the world' - it is an hopeless state; I have no hope - it is to feel the burden of sin; I am burdened as much as mortal can be - it is to feel the lashes of conscience; I feel them all the day 1ong - it is to be a companion for devils; I am harassed with them from morning till night - it is to meditate distractedly on an endless eternity; I am already engaged in this - it is to sin and rebel against God; I do it perpetually - it is to reflect upon past madness and folly; this is the daily employ of my mind - it is to labour under God's unmixed wrath; this I feel continually - it is to lie under the tormenting secptre of everlasting death; this is already begun. Alas! to believe there is no God, is like persuading myself that I am in a state of annihilation." Thus, reader, the revealed wrath of God locked me out of that strong hold of the devil, in which, as in a refuge of lies, I fain would have taken shelter. I now began most wretchedly to lament, not only my certain damnation in the world to come, but also that I was rendered incapable of digging a bit of ground, or even of fetching a proper tool for my work. I therefore thought that I must inform my master of it, leave my employ, and advise my wife to seek bread for herself and child; and, as for myself, I would wander about in a starving manner till I was no more; and the sooner I was dead the better, as I then should know the worst of my eternal doom. I laboured much at this time to harden myself against fear; but, do what I would, I could not accomplish it. However, on the Lord's day following, I had appointed to walk with a person to see Lord C__ve's new house, then building at Esher. When I came there I asked the reason why they built the walls so remarkably thick? The person said that several had asked that question as well as me, and had received an astonishing answer from the owner; namely, that their substance was intended to keep the devil out! I replied, that the possession of Satan was the man, not the building; and that the walls would not answer the end. Hearing something more of the state of the owner's mind, it rekindled all my old fire. However, I got some liquor to stifle it for the day. When we returned home, I talked to my companion about religion. He said unto me, "Man can do nothing." "Do nothing!" replied I; "Then why are we commanded to do so much?' "Ah!" said he, "you can do nothing that will please God. I have heard Mr. Whitefield, Mr. Romaine, and all the great men in London; and they tell you plainly that you can do nothing." "Then," said I, "what will become of us?" "Why," said he, "the elect will be saved, and none else." "Then," said I," there is no cause to try for salvation." "No," said he, "you can do nothing if you do." I urged my carnal reasons against this doctrine; but he advanced some scriptures, which cut up all my arguments, root and branch, and stopped my mouth entirely. The next day I considered this new doctrine of election, which I had never heard of before, except when I had repeated it in the catechism. However, I laboured to thrust it out of my mind, but could not. The next Lord's day I went to church; when a very old man, an entire stranger, preached to us: His text was "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this to visit the fatherless and widows in their afflictions, and to keep himself unspotted from the world," James |